Circular discussions

There are times when we feel as though we’re stuck in a loop when we talk to someone. We keep having the same discussion again and again without any resolution. If your conversations look like the diagram below, this is where you can take control of the situation and get something meaningful out of it which can get you the results you want.

Once you have spotted that you’re in a loop it might be time to take action – maybe they say “you always do that” and you say “no I don’t”, “yes you do”…

How about trying a new way of communicating? How about you change your response after they say “you always do that” to “I’m obviously doing something that upsets you, and I don’t realise I’m doing it. Tell me when I last did it and we can work out a way forward”.

Now, they can’t say “yes you do”, they have to come back with something more constructive and you can find out what is happening.

Try not to get defensive if they say something you find hurtful – ask them how it makes them feel. You might then be able to explain how you meant it.

Stop the loop – start discussing things.

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